This year has been crazy fast, right? I swear I was just planning my March reads and BAM I am now getting requests for July. Requests are great, don’t get me wrong about that, but it feels like I am SO far behind. I have been better with my reading schedule but reviewing has taken a turn for the worst. Last night ad today I wrote out what books I need to read, review or both…from requests I have missed in the past. I feel a bit better now that it is written out and there is a plan in place. Tomorrow will be reviewing day so I have to make sure I have little distractions around me. I wrote a poetry collection for a contest and when I went to submit I realized I read the deadline incorrect. So now, I am trying to turn to plan b and submit to literary journals. I am trying to see the positive in everything and make goals that are reachable but there are moments I really just want to scream “timeout”.
Dating is one of those moments. Back in 2009-11, my dating life was getting so comical I decided to anonymously blog about it. Then I met someone serious and it lasted eighth months which was really good for me. I had met another guy before him but we never could get our schedules to mesh so we stayed friends. Three weeks after the break up, I was flirting with this new guy. On Remembrance Day we finally went out on our first date as it was the only day we both had off at the same time. Our second date would not be until New Years, and a year and a bit later when my Bibi passed away we became serious. And, then it was…he’s the person who I was with when Bibi passed away so he must be the one (he wasn’t at all, as you have probably read in my post). Things weren’t the greatest but I see it all as a learning experience and growing. To see it any other way would pull me into a space that would just be unhealthy. Anyway, so I blogged to keep myself sane with humour otherwise I would be in dating depression.
I find the most depressing thing about dating is the lack of romance – at least in my dating world. When my exes did anything romantic, I almost passed out from surprise. Often times, I made the romantic gestures. I love classic movies mostly because I love the romance – the manners and banter make me melt. There is no “what kinky position do you most enjoy?” as a greeting. Sigh, though I suppose it does weed “those” ones out. I used to doubt some of the episodes of Sex and the City and Girls, but when you start meeting guys you suddenly think those shows are tame. It’s gotten to the point where normal is the “must-have” quality. Tall, dark and handsome is just too risky without normal.
After my last break up…I decided to try online dating (because who am I kidding that I will actually go to a bar or club) and I lasted 3 weeks. The “what do you wear to bed”, “how about you come back to my place” or “insert something perverted and possibly offensive here”. DELETE PROFILE. Then last month I was starting to get happy about where I am in my life so thought WTF? I actually met a decent guy who flirted but nothing sexual and we talked about what we wanted from life. Everything was good but then came the possible meet-up and we had opposite schedules…reminding me of my ex so it was kind of like maybe this is a sign. But he was really sweet, normal…and his mom lived in Scotland. So I left my account up and see what would happen next.
Last week I met a guy I would normally strike out right away as his opener was “wanna make out?” I usually press delete but instead wrote “sure, sounds fun”. And we went off on a fun conversation with banter mixed in with getting to know stuff. Things progress in that we text when we can, but with no pressure. As I am bad at texting, or looking at my phone, I was proud of my contribution. Then comes the possible meet up and our days seem to work out but then it went Kur-plat! When I meet up with a stranger, I like to know full name and where we will be going. If you are a girl, you will know that this information needs to go to one of your besties who you text at least twice. I may have watched waaaaaay too many true crime programs. He says of course he will give me that and more information, but it sounded like it wasn’t okay.
Then I don’t hear from him for a few hours. He totally could have had a car accident, passed out asleep, fainted…had amnesia? Turns out…it was a turn off. Asking what his last name felt like an interrogation to him, and the seriousness of my safety was also off-putting. It was so quick this change…like when you discover your date voted for Trump. Normally, I would be like, whatever, you are weird and I am glad to discover that now rather than when you are dumping my body. Since we weren’t going to meet anyway, why not learn more about what the eff this guy is thinking and call him on it. What came next was pretty interesting…he was analyzer like I am and he has this need to come off like a great guy. I won’t go into what he said as that might identify him somehow and we know how “personal” his last name is so I don’t want to get out some how with my magical way of interrogation. I wonder if he would write me a reference letter stating that I can interrogate a fella with just two questions! In all honesty, I was a bit hurt and confused by all this which is why I felt compelled to actually interrogate him about his actions. This is how I get in bizarre situations that make it blog-worthy, haha. All the stuff we talked about – a lot of it personal (ie: about our life, etc) – was okay but taking a timeout for reality and safety was a no-no. I think I should retire from dating as I don’t get it. Maybe I am old-fashion and normal and that doesn’t exist anymore. At least I got to confront him rather than worry about what I might have done wrong. I not have regrets of coulda-waoulda-shoulda when it came to my actions. Now to sleep to get my mind into reviews as I may be the crazy old book lady that only has her reviews and writing to keep her company 😉